Thursday, March 3, 2022

I'm Ready To Crawl Under a Rock with a Surrendering Flag...But I'm Also Ready For So Many Others to Crawl Under the Rocks From Where They Come From

I have no problem admitting I'm overwhelmed. There are 24 hours in a day and 7 days a week, and anyone who knows me understands I'm pretty much at it most all of these times....until I'm not. I realized when I woke up this morning that I don't have much bandwidth for much more. I'm spent: intellectually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. I continue to shake my head in disbelief.

Disclaimer: I've always worked in public schools, with public school years, in pubic settings. I run a National Writing Project site at a Private, Jesuit Institution. I teach education courses and we are in schools all the time. I have to shake my head at times, though, when I hear about the culture shock my students experience as they go into schools in the U.S. -...they are simply amazed to, gasp, see American schools exist as they do. 

Granted, I usually teach graduate students and not the initial, introduction classes. I am doing it this semester as a favor to the Chair (and hence the Department). I'm used to in-practice teachers, academics, and pre-service teachers in their last courses. I didn't realize I'd get so much shock, confusion, frustration, disbelief, and bewilderment from sophomores and juniors. 

I guess this is where the prisoners first see the light, Plato.

I'm almost overwhelmed by how overwhelmed they are that the realities of our nation are not what they always knew them to be. Their shock is shocking to me, because I can't understand that the reality of what schools actually are would be alarming to them. They don't believe their eyes (and it's funny, because I'm seeing these spaces as wonderful, thought-provoking, joyous spaces where incredible teachers are investing their lives to make stunning children more exceptional.

They only see deficits - can't get past the privileges they grew up with. As I see assets and attributes at how incredible the teachers and students are, they look at the spaces with disdain and blame. I don' t understand privilege or how, in 2022, one continues to think that the world is kind, genuine, safe, and hopeful. It's a narrative I want to believe in (and can, because I've been a public school educator my whole life and know the greatness that exists)...but this awakening for undergraduates paying what they pay to explore teaching and, for the first time, realize the inequities of the world is sort of shocking my system. I'm not sure how to process it.

You want to teach...but don't see the world around you....and it bothers you to have to see it? I'm at a loss for words and need to process this some more. Definitely reaching out to mentors across the country on this one, because I've never taught a general education course....not to I wear a set of frames as they do. It is something.

I think I might need to stick to Grad Student who come to us with more worldviews, but I also know I need to talk with my department and the Office of Social Impact on what they intend with this work...for what should be gained...and merited. I've never been in the business of poverty tourism...my life has been dedicates to public school bliss. So, when I hear their hiss, it just gets me angry and disappointed in the human species.

Rant over.