Tuesday, March 8, 2022

I Need My Hour Every Day, and I Took That Hour an Hour Earlier Than Usual Last Night...That is, the Hour I Write For Me & I Unwind

This is year 15 of blogging and I don't have an audience or a purpose, really, just an outlet to think through my day and make connections where I can. Although these post in the a.m., I typically made a decision at 10 or 11 p.m. to push everything aside so I can write for me. I write all day: proposals, articles, emails, texts, more and more emails, inquiries, responses, edits, etc. but I need at least one hour of my day to simply write what's on my mind. Truth is, I rarely take the entire hour; instead, I write for however long it takes and then I try to shut off my brain so it will sleep (some nights this is easier than others).

Those that hear me rambling in the halls or see the piles of distractions I keep in my house and office must think, "Crandall is the most disorganized human alive." It's not true, though, as I wake up working and tend to work all throughout the day trying to get done as much as I can in numerous projects. That one hour though, this hour, is for me. I need to dump my end-of-the-day thinking somewhere.

And when weeks exist like this one, when every second of your day is consumed by doing work for other people (caring for their needs and desires), you have to be extra organized. I knew it was coming and that my time would not be my time, so I hunkered down over the weekend to get everything in place so that I could give to others what they need from me. It's not my agenda, but it is the game of academia and what we have to play.

Which is interesting, because I don't think I've ever been the person who makes more work for others. If something needs to get done, I sit down to get it done. And if I'm collaborating, then I am truly collaborating. We're working together, not relying on anyone to get the work done for us.

So my white flag went out at 8 pm last night because I couldn't think another thought for other people...I simply needed to process the universe for me. I needed this hour to rant a little, but also to be mindless with a Words with Friends game, the dog, and maybe some t.v.. I know when I am not going to be of any use to the piles at my side. 

Grant edited. Check. Classes planned. Check. Chapter edited. Check. Meetings about upcoming journal collaboration, done. Proposal to Academic Council. All good. Grading? Um, two things got done. A journal article review....I'm halfway there. Advising...loving ZOOM for this. Food? Glad I prepped this weekend. Socializing, being human, checking on the news? Um, no. Those are distractions. But I'll get to that this weekend.

It's on the agenda. And today, I tour schools before teaching. We got this.